


Family Affair

by Limra



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:22:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8977594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Limra/pseuds/Limra
Summary: Rey tries to understand her feelings for a redeemed Ben Solo while his mother and uncle treat her like the hope for a better galaxy. It's not easy when you have to be a jedi, a friend, a warrior and a lover.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Artemis1000](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis1000/gifts).



> Dear Artemis1000, 
> 
> I hope you enjoy your gift! First of all, this is for you. That's the first chapter of ten! I love Christmas and Reylo, so it sounds perfect to me!
> 
> Thanks to Eklisanna, my dear beta reader!

Chapter 1

They were kissing fiercely on her quarters. The Resistance Base was under a silence spell. No one awake. It was late at night. Dark. A night without moon or stars. As dark as him. And Rey loved it. She loved being with him like this. Hiding. No one could know. She was almost a jedi. And he…he still didn’t know what to do with his life. The truth was that Ben Solo’s lips felt wonderful upon hers. The truth was that their tongues dancing together were something beyond imagination.

* * *

 

Three years. After Starkiller, the war took three years to find its end. During the first year after their first encounter, the brave Rey and the terrible Kylo Ren shared a connection through the Force. At the beginning, it drove her crazy. It drove them crazy. They tried to deny each other. Useless. They tried to sever that Force Bond. Unbreakable was the word that whispered in their minds. She tried to push him out. She said to herself that this monster had killed his own father. That he had betrayed his mother and uncle with whom Rey was working now.

But, Rey could feel his pain. Being left alone when a child and influenced by a voice in his dreams. Rey felt the pain, the regret and the love he still had for his father and for his family. He was being torn apart. And she reached for him in their shared dreams. At the beginning of the second year, they made a mission to rescue Kylo Ren. When he was back with the Resistance, they put him in prison.

Rey couldn’t do anything against that cage. She watched him struggle to keep his temper in check and to be helpful trying to show how he was willing to collaborate with the Resistance to annihilate Snoke’s power. Luke had been beside him all the time. He was a great uncle. Leia tried to keep her distance. Rey noticed that, at that time, when she looked at her son she saw Han and she couldn’t bear the thought of loving and hating her husband’s murder. Rey remembered the day when that posture changed. They were finally discussing how to attack Kylo Ren’s Master.

“I’ll go.” He had said. “We need someone to distract him to let you gain some time to attack. I go first and do my job. I can kill him and make the way easier for your massive action.” He kept talking avoiding his mother’s eyes.

“No.” Leia and Rey shouted together. He raised his eyes to them trying to understand why they were struggling against his resolution.

Rey cheeks flushed red. Leia sighed heavily. “Ben” she started carefully, “we can’t risk losing you again. That is not going to help you at your trial.”

“I wasn’t thinking about my trial.” He answered softly. His eyes glanced toward Rey. “I was thinking of…”

Rey lost her temper. “ Of being a hero? Ha! You’re got be kidding! You’re going to die there if you go alone!”

Ben matched her fierceness quickly. “I am going there alone. I don’t want you there with me.”

Her eyes widened. “What? I’m not good enough for you? Do I have to remember that you’ve stopped your training since you’re in prison and I kept…”

“Children!” Luke raised his voice and his hands trying to pacify them. “It’s not a bad idea. Ben can get there alone and we will be right behind, covering his back.”

“No. I don’t want to risk losing Rey, Uncle.”

The whole strategy room went silent. Kylo Ren. Or should she say, Ben solo was trying to protect her. She hated him more than ever. She gulped hard before speaking in a very low and dangerous tone. “I don’t need your concern. I can do well alone.”

He smiled softly at her. “I know.”

The three Supreme Court judges, were talking among them the whole time, and decided to intervene. “If you are successful in killing your foster master, you’re automatically absolved of your war crimes.”

Dark brown and melancholic eyes watered. “I’ve killed my father. No one can absolve me of this crime.”

“I forgive you.” Leia said reaching for him. “I forgive you, son.”

That same night, Ben had been moved from his cell to his quarters at their base on Takodana. He wasn’t a prisoner anymore. He was looking at his new clothes. White, beige, gray, brown. Dark blue. No black. He snickered thinking on his mother’s message behind those choices.  Not even a pair of socks. Their bond was fully open, that’s how Rey could tell what he was doing. She shut down her side of their connection just to knock at his door.  He opened not seeming surprised. He stepped aside, letting her come in.

“I don’t want to fight, Rey.” He said rubbing his temple.

“I’m not here to fight.” Her eyes were swollen and red. She had been crying because she didn’t want him to die. Anticipation was killing her. She was worried. Her chest hurt when she dared to think of it. Not having him anymore in her mind. Being alone again… so lonely. It was unbearable. “I-I don’t want you to go there alone, Ben. What if you need help…what if he…” Suddenly she couldn’t finish her sentence. “You’re a monster! How can you be so selfish, leaving me behind like this? What if you don’t come back?”

“If I kill him, it will be worth dying for. I don’t care about me.”

“But I do! What do I become if you die?”

“The greatest jedi ever? The most beautiful woman I’ve ever met? You’re just a girl, Rey. With a bright future. Don’t worry about me.”

“I am not a girl!” she said point her index finger on his face. She hated when he called her a girl. “And I think you’re doing this stupid thing because you want me to weep when you die.”

“Will you?” He got closer to her catching her wrist and putting them on his shoulder. “Will you cry for me?”

He was close and those red pouty lips mesmerized her. Her heart started beating in a frenetic rhythm and her lips parted. He put his hands around her waist bringing her even closer. “I won’t.” She said proud of herself because her voice didn’t crack. She hated to look weak.

He disentangled his arms from her tiny body, a confused look in the eyes. He turned away from her to stare at the wall.

“I won’t weep for you because you’re not going to die. I won’t allow it. Now, look at me and finish what you were doing. Kiss me.”

Ben didn’t need any different motivation. She commanded, he obeyed. Their first kiss was hot, wet and full of hope. Desperate hope. They wanted to feast on each other as if they were people from the desert starving or thirsty for water. Rey finally understood what it was like, not being alone. They matched perfectly. Dark and Light together. Their Bond was humming around them and Rey could only moan when his tongue asked for entrance. She opened her lips and his taste only increased her hunger for him.

Unfortunately, they needed to breathe. He rested his forehead on hers, delving into her eyes and said in a very low voice that gave her goosebumps. “I’ve been dreaming of this since I arrived here.”

She blushed. “I know. You let it slip through our bond.” She took an errant strand of his dark hair putting it behind his ear and spoke in a more serious tone. “Let me go with you, Ben.”

He stiffened against her. “No. I have to do this on my own.”

Rey snorted looking away. “You’re not ready to do that on your own. I’m going with you.”

“I care about you, Scavenger. I’m not going to put you in danger. I don’t expect you to understand what I mean…I know your life on Jakku…”

She raised an eyebrow to him and smiled mischievously before interrupting him. “My life as a scavenger taught me a lot of things. For example, not kissing a man who doesn’t treat you like an equal.”

He opened his mouth to argue but gave up. “I’m not saying I’m more powerful than you. I’m…”

“saying that I’m more fragile than you. Let’s make a deal: we go together, and I let you kill Snoke.” She smiled to him.

But she was about to find out that Ben Solo was a stubborn boy. “No.”

“Okay.” She said leaving his embrace. “I’ll ask Finn to come with me and Chewie to cover your back.” She said turning and going to the door. She wanted to laugh when he stepped on her way blocking her from leaving, but she kept her serious mask.

“Finn?” His eyes narrowed. “He’s always around you, isn’t he?”

“Yes. We’re partners. He knows that. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about me.”

She knew he was jealous of Finn. Every time she mentioned her friend, they ended up fighting. This time, however, she was hoping that his jealousy would make him reconsider bringing her with him on that mission.

“Just how much does he care about you?” He asked clearly upset. She was wrong. He was just jealous.

“Ben! Please. Do you have any idea of how difficult the past year was for me? I rescued you from that monster. I have been visiting you every single day on that cell. I have been fighting for you long before that! And now, you think it’s your right to tell me that I have to stay home. Waiting for you. I’m not that kind of woman. I have made my decisions on my own since I was six.”

“I thought you were doing this for the Resistance. For my mother, my uncle and your friends.” He answered without looking at her.

“Ha!” She nodded and snorted at him. “Ben Solo, you’re inside my mind. You’re part of me, Ben. No one else belongs to me the way you do.” She lifted his chin with both hands on his cheeks. “We complete each other. Without me, what’s going to happen to you, big boy?”

His hands were back on her waist. “I wasn’t expecting you’re going to blurt out your feelings for me like this. I thought you were more confused.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ve had a year thinking about them and meeting and talking to other guys.” She said half joking.

“WHAT?”

“What? I had to be sure I wanted to fight for you!” Seeing his distress and his hands tightening on her waist, she started laughing. “Come on. At the beginning you didn’t even want to see me here.”

“I thought you didn’t want to be with me. I thought my uncle was making it part of your training.” He confessed.

Rey enlaced her arms around his neck and gave him a small peck on the lips. “You belong with me, Ben.” She said brushing her lips on his. Ben kissed her again passionately.

“I’m going to prepare the Falcon.” She said after recovering her breath. “You’re coming with me and Chewie.”

At that, he smirked at her. “You always get what you want.”

“You know I can take whatever I want, Ben.”

They went together and Ben killed Snoke. But, he died too. If it wasn’t for Rey and her healing powers, she would have lost him.

At the third year, they started sleeping together. But they didn’t tell anyone. She was training to be a jedi. Attachments were forbidden. He was working as a pilot for the Resistance. What would they say to his family? That they loved each other and that they were going to be together leaving the galaxy behind? That the Jedi Order would never rise again because Rey couldn’t take the oath?

They tried to be avoid this feeling, but it was there, pulling them together. Light and Dark. And when their force signatures collided, a gray dawn spread in their minds as if they could foresee the beginning of a new era.

* * *

 

He collapsed on her, kissing her swollen lips. Make up sex was the best with Ben. And after one week without touching each other, Rey couldn’t feel more happy for her sore muscles. He rolled on the bed bringing her to rest against his chest. She resumed her satisfaction kissing him softly on the lips.

“I’m still upset.” He told her matter-of-factly. “I don’t like when he touches you.”

“Finn is my friend. It was just a hug, Ben.”

“Still. _He_ can touch you in public. I can’t.” he said bitterly. “Rey, it’s almost a year hiding. We have to tell them.”

She sat on the bed looking into his eyes. “We have already talked about that. I don’t know how to tell your uncle that I’m not going to be a jedi. Actually, I want to be a jedi. And what would your mother say? That it’s too early and that you can’t be with a scavenger because you’re almost a prince…”

“Leia Organa would never say that about you. She loves you more than me. Her eyes shine with pride when you talk during the council meetings. You can’t use her as an excuse.” He made a pause to sit with his back against the headboard. Then, he smirked to her. “But, if you really want to be a jedi, we have to stop with this. You can’t keep screaming my name the way you do.” He got closer to her. “And you can’t kiss me the way you do” he said kissing her briefly. “And you can’t be jealous when I work with other girls in the hangar.”

“I’m not jealous.” She lied coldly. He laughed at her reaction.

“Don’t lie to me. I can feel you, Rey.”

“Okay. I’m always jealous. Because… they can give you a life I can’t. They can marry you and give you kids…and…” she stopped talking. Pain and anger were making her blood boil. She hated those beautiful girls with perfect smiles and beautiful dresses smiling and talking to him.

Ben started to caress her bare back softly. “I don’t want to marry them or have kids with them. I want that with you. If I can’t have you, I’m planning on dying alone.” He smiled at her. “I love you, Scavenger girl.”

She couldn’t resist his smile. “I love you, Monster.”

* * *

 

The morning Ben was going to leave for a three days mission on a cold planet. And Rey was going to take advantage of this time to change her birth control. Three days she would also spend with Finn, Poe and BB-8 talking about better things than a future doomed to never happen. They made their farewells in her quarters.

“Promise you’re going to come back to me.” She told him stupidly nervous while he was wearing his trousers and shirt.

“I promise. It’s nothing. Really. You shouldn’t be so worried about it.” he answered turning back to look at her.

“I don’t like when you leave without me. You should know that by now.” Rey answered crossing her arms on her chest.

Ben came closer putting his hands on her waist and kissing her lips. “I know.”

They kissed again and he left.

* * *

 

Rey took a shower and took advantage of everyone’s absence in the med bay. It was still early in the morning when she talked to 2-1B. She asked for the same implant for birth control purposes: a very small capsule injected on her upper arm that would last for a month.  Ben was talking too much about children those days. And daydreaming with a little baby girl with her eyes or a baby boy with her eyes and hair.

2-1B took her from her derisive thoughts when he was over with his scanning exam.

“Miss Rey, I can’t proceed with a new implant.”

Rey frowned. “Why?”

“Because you’re pregnant, Miss Rey.” He said flatly.

Oh. _Oh_! Well, now she had a big problem.


	2. Chapter 2

She freaked out.

“HOW? I’m doing exactly as I’ve been told with the implants! That couldn’t have happened!”

“The implant gives you 97% of prevention. There’s still 3% left.” The droid told her.

For her, it was too much. Rey’s life changed completely during those three years. She went from no one to Rey from Jakku. The next Jedi. She stopped waiting for someone she didn’t know if was going to come back for her and started doing things by herself. Moving forward. She left the anti-social girl behaving behind to become a loyal friend. She stopped starving and now she could eat everything. Including cakes. She loved cakes.

The biggest change though happened when she admitted to herself that what she felt for Ben was different from everyone else. How? She couldn’t explain. She loved Finn, Poe, BB-8, R2, Threepioo, Luke, Leia, Chewie. Ben Solo, however, didn’t give her the warm feeling she had when she thought about the Resistance team and the Jedi.

When she used to think about Ben, she felt _home_. Ben made her feel safe. She loved him in a very different way. It wasn’t only passion. Passion comes and leaves without big consequences. Of course, there was passion between them. But, when Ben looked at her in the morning before leaving to work or when they couldn’t talk in public, the awe in his eyes surely mirrored hers. They were partners, lovers. It wasn’t passion. Passion was selfish. _Compassion_ was the name for that.

His weakness, her strength.

But a baby? A baby would make everything more difficult. Could she be a _mother?_ She hadn’t ever had a mother. Her career as a Jedi would be ruined. _Over_. And Rey wanted to be a jedi. No babies.

Thirty minutes passed with her incapable of moving. “I can’t do this.” She whispered.

“What is this impossible thing that Rey from Jakku, the next Great Jedi can’t do?” Leia came inside the med bay. She was smiling. “I thought you were the brave one here.”

 _Giving you a grandchild._ She thought with regret. “I’m afraid of needles. I wanted something strong for my cold.” She faked her coughing. “It’s a persistent one.”

“Some tea may help. And some talk. Come with me.”

Rey followed the General wondering if her body could already betray her. Four weeks the droid had said. Four weeks.

Rey was only 23 years old. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t be a mom.

They arrived at her quarters and Leia offered her a seat on her couch. Rey took the tea the domestic droid offered her but she didn’t drink.

Leia sat beside her and blurted out, “So, Rey, who is he?”

Rey’s jaw dropped. ‘I-I don’t know what you mean.”

Leia smirked at her reaction. “Rey, you’re glowing. Who is he? You can tell me. I imagine how difficult it must be when you’re basically living with boys. Despite my efforts, our galaxy is still a men’s world. You can talk.”

 _Force._ Rey wanted to laugh. _It’s your son. He sleeps with me almost every night and we’re having a baby together._ “There’s no one. I can’t have any attachments. It’s forbidden.”

Leia frowned at that. “I wouldn’t be here if Anakin Skywalker hadn’t betrayed the Jedi Order. The Force works in a very different way, Rey. I know you’re seeing someone. You don’t have to tell me. I just wanted to tell you that you have a friend. You can talk to me.”

Rey knew Leia was just trying to be kind to her. It was good to know she had a friend. “Thank you, General. It’s difficult to deal with so many people when I spent the last fifteen years of my life alone. It means a lot to me to have you as a friend. But, really, I have no one.”

The princess of Alderaan had bright brown eyes. When she looked deeply to someone, it seemed she had a superpower. “You’re lying. But it’s okay. I used to glow like that when Han was near. And after with Ben.” Her smile faded. “Ben looks like him. It’s so unfair that he has to live with this burden.”

Rey felt like she had to say something. “He regrets it. He loves Han. I know that Ben is strong enough to understand that he has a long way before learning how to deal with this pain.”

“You’re so generous, Rey. I’m his mother and I would do anything again to have him back. But you know that it took time for me to _forgive_ him. You did it before me.” Leia uttered in a hurt voice.

“Yeah, I think that our bond made it easier. He’s here.” She said pointing her head. “I can feel everything he feels.”

Leia smirked at her. “Yes. About that _bond_. Can you tell me what he’s thinking right now?”

“He’s cold. Swearing, I think. Angry because…”

_Yes. I’m angry because it’s cold and II miss you already._

Rey blushed before finishing her sentence. “…because he doesn’t like snow.”

Leia laughed. “Yes. He doesn’t like it.”

Rey remembered the day their bond was forged. Starkiller. The planet cracking under their feet. Physically, they were apart. But in the Force, they were intertwined, soulmates.

“Rey?”

She jumped at Leia’s voice. “Yes?”

“You’re glowing again.”

* * *

 

Rey left the General to have her training session with Master Luke. She decided that she was going to think about that little issue after. There were new forms for her to learn and she was feeling stronger than before until the moment she made a spin and she felt dizzy. She stumbled falling to the ground. Suddenly, nausea assaulted her feelings and she started to throw up.

Master Luke seemed worried. “Rey, are you ok?” He felt to the ground beside her putting one hand behind her back.

When she could breathe again, the apprentice answered. “I’m fine. It’s just a cold.”

“A cold? Do you want to take the rest of the day to rest? He asked her.

_What was that? Are you sick? Are you feeling okay? Rey?_

_I’m okay, Ben. Don’t worry._

“Thank you, Master. But I’m okay to go on training. I can’t waste my time if I want to be a jedi.” She said stubbornly.

Luke smiled proud. “Last time I had such a motivated apprentice, I still had blond hair and my padawan used to call me uncle.”

“Was Ben a good padawan?”

“What do you think? He was the best one. So powerful, resilient and motivated. He had everything to be a great jedi.”

Something in Luke’s eyes said he was disappointed with his nephew. “Do you think he could come back to train with you?” she asked shyly.

“That would be amazing. But Ben wants some time to redefine his priorities. And I think he’s right. It’s still painful to him to make his way back to the Jedi order. After everything.” Luke had the same melancholic eyes Ben used to have when thinking about the academy he helped to destroy. “I can still hear their cries at night. It must be unbearable to Ben who helped killing them.”

Kylo Ren had killed younglings. Little padawans he had helped to teach. He was already Master Solo at this time. He killed them and Ben Solo that night, thinking he was shutting down the light and committing to the Dark side at once. Although his evil efforts, the Light kept pulling him, showing that it had its own purposes for Master Solo.

 Rey thought that maybe he would be the responsible for giving his uncle a new force sensitive apprentice.  Definitively, the Force worked in a very strange way. Suddenly she felt tired. She wanted to lay down and sleep. “Master, if you excuse me, I think I would appreciate having the day for myself and try to get some rest.”

“Go. Tomorrow we are going to practice meditation mantras. They are good for people with your temper.” He said smiling waiting for her reaction.”

Rey crossed her arms before answering her master. “I think you enjoy having this kind of apprentices, Master. You try to deny it, but if we try to leave you, you’re already hunting the galaxy to have us back.”

“You’re right. The challenge makes everything better. Snoke underestimated my devotion concerning my own nephew. I would always come for him whenever he asked for my help.”

That was comforting. Luke Skywalker was the best uncle in the galaxy. Ben was lucky. So was she. “See you tomorrow, Master.”

“See you, Rey.”

* * *

 

Rey did as she said to Luke. She wanted some time to think about the baby and everything else. _The baby. Her baby._ Hers and Ben’s. Rey tried to wonder about having a house, a husband, a baby. Making diner for them, cleaning the house for them, living for them. That couldn’t work. She wasn’t ready for settling down again. Her whole life she spent stuck living in an old AT-AT. She used to work, eat and wait. She didn’t want to wait patiently like a good wife for her husband. Ben met her as a warrior. A fighter. If she gave up on that, he would certainly get bored of her. Or she would get bored and would leave first.

 _Leave._ Leave was too much. She would never do that to Ben and to her kid. Her family had left her on Jakku and she knew what it meant to grow up alone and spend the nights waiting for someone, no one to talk, no birthdays.

She couldn’t stay at home like a doll. She had had a doll. Even her doll had an orange suit. She worked for the Red Squadron. _Red leader_.

She wouldn’t leave either. A family was everything Rey wanted. Okay. It wasn’t exactly how she wanted to do things. Before moving on, she wanted her parents back. She needed some explanation to keep going on. Rey didn’t even know her last name and having a baby meant to skip one stage.

And, of course, there was the Jedi order. She couldn’t deny the Force and its ways. The way the Force whispered and hummed positively when she was with Ben. Their Force signatures completed each other in a way their bodies could mirror slightly. They belonged with each other even if the Jedi order didn’t approve them together, she decided she didn’t care. The Jedi order was just another institution and Rey knew how to live without its support. She was strong before the order. Before the Resistance. Before anything.

Love. She loved Ben and having a baby with him was the most wonderful thing that could happen in her life. She would tell him once he was back on his mission and they would tell his mom and uncle about them and their baby.

Putting her head on her pillow, Rey reached for Ben the first time after he had left for that three days mission.

_Hey, Monster. How are you doing?_

_I’m doing well, sweetheart. It would be better if I were with you._

_I’ve never said it, but I really like when you call me sweetheart._

Ben snorted in her mind as if he was there with her.

_I know, sweetheart._

_I have something to tell you when you come back._

_What is it? Good news?_

_Maybe. You’ll have to wait. It’s not something I can say through the bond._

_I’m curious and anxious now. Thank you, Scavenger._

_You’re always welcome, Monster. Don’t worry. I think you’re going to like it._

_What are you doing?_

_Resting. Your uncle was kind with me this afternoon._

_Go sleep then. Talk to you later._

* * *

 

When she woke up, it was already dark outside. She looked for Ben through their connection, but he wasn’t there. Closed. Probably, he was doing something confidential for his mother right now.

 _Blue Leader_. Ben was a great pilot for the blue squadron, of course. He didn’t want to put up a competition with Poe. Or with her.

Someone knocked at her door and she went to see who was. When she opened the door, Leia looked at her with rimmed and swollen eyes. She had been crying.

“General, are you ok?”

Her lips trembled before a small voice, not like the General’s strong voice, asked her shyly, “Can you reach for Ben, please?”

Rey tried once again and said flatly. “I think he has shut down our connection for now, general. We can do that when we need to.”

“There was a report about an ion storm close to the planet where he was. Apparently, he had already finished his mission and was trying to come back earlier…”

Rey couldn’t believe her ears. Before saying anything, she sat on her bed again, “And?”

“He doesn’t answer to our calls since this afternoon. I’m afraid he…he’s been caught by the storm.”

“What does that mean?”

“He can be dead, Rey.”

Before she could react, she felt her life living her and darkness engulfing her sight.

* * *

 

When she woke up, Leia was seated beside her bed. She was at the med bay again. “The doctor said you just fainted. He said it’s normal when you skip meals. But he says you shouldn’t skip any meals during your pregnancy.”

Rey closed her eyes trying to keep her tears at bay. “Has he already made contact?”

Leia sighed heavy. “No. I sent a mission to look for his ship. Nothing yet.”

“I was waiting for his return to tell you about the baby.” Rey told her letting the tears damp her cheeks. She felt weak and fragile right now. She didn’t want anyone with her, but Ben.

“I knew you loved him. I’m not that blind.”

Rey covered her eyes with her hands sobbing without control. “I can’t do this without him. I can’t have a baby alone. He wanted this child more than me! It’s so unfair.”

“You’re not alone, Rey. We are going to wait for him. I’m sure he’s hiding and he’s going to come back for you. For _us_. We can’t find his ship. This is a good sign.” Leia tried to soothe her own pain and Rey’s suffering with those words. “He’s his father’s son. Han Solo wouldn’t be defeated by an ion storm. I’m sure he’s alive.”

Rey looked at Leia. The general’s face was the face of someone utterly exhausted. Leia was tired. But, as the young jedi looked into those brown eyes, Ben’s eyes, she understood. The princess of Alderaan was built on hope. Her strength was hope. Leia was as resilient as Rey was. She represented hope for her planet when she took the Death Star plans with her. She was the new hope for the Resistance when she worked with the base on Hoth. She was hope when they fought on Endor. She carried hope inside her when she was pregnant.

She saw her biggest hope turn against herself and she waited until the day he came back to her.

She was the Resistance. The fortress. She wouldn’t weep. She would wait patiently. If she had lost Ben, she would work for her grandchild. She would help Rey.

Rey would never wait alone again. She had company now.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Rey wasn’t used to cry. On Jakku, she only did it when she had those strange nightmares when she was a child and cried calling for someone to come back. Always the same thing.

_She was alone in a dark forest or in the desert. She cried, “Come back!”._

_And the voice, that voice answered as always, “I’ll come back, Sweetheart. I promise.”_

 

Now, she was crying like a child again. The doctor said it was normal given her situation and everything that was happening in her life. The baby was as small as a bean and it was already changing her. How could she be a good mother if she was feeling like a child again? She hated to be weak, desperate. This wasn’t her and she had to find Rey from Jakku again.

She had to be strong for her, for her baby and for Ben.

She felt like that little Rey every night she went to sleep, asking him to come back to her.

* * *

 

Talking to Luke was actually the easiest part of everything.

“You and Ben hiding? Rey, I told you about my parents. Hiding made him turn to the dark side and become Darth Vader. Hiding made Ben Solo become Kylo Ren. He was ashamed of telling me my training wasn’t working. Can you imagine? He spent his life being torn apart by the Force. His parents couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand. He was afraid of being put aside, just like you now.”

“I’m sorry, Master. You’re right. I should have told you.” she answered disheartened. She didn’t care anymore. Ben wasn’t with them. Three days without news. Leia kept the rescuing mission on space, but Rey knew that they wouldn’t stay for much longer. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to go on with my training. The Jedi order is very important to me, but I understand the rules I’ve transgressed. I wish it was different and I could still be a knight.”

She was feeling hurt those days. Actually, the Jedi Order would be a very small loss to her if she was supposed to lose Ben. He was her other part. The Force carved them as soulmates. She knew it. Maybe finding Luke and The Resistance was only the first steps she needed to find him to never be alone again.

She wanted to be a part of the Order to belong to something. So stupid she was. She already belonged to _someone_. _To him._

‘The belonging you’re seeking is not behind you. It’s ahead.’ Maz Kanata had told her once. She thought it was Luke. But the lightsaber wasn’t his. It belonged to Ben. He was her belonging.

“You’re going to be a Jedi Knight.” Luke answered taking her from her memories. “But we have to wait for the baby. We are going to keep your training with meditations and other activities. Maybe some light forms with mock sabers.” He told her practically.

Rey finally looked at him with big eyes and her jaw dropped a little. “I thought you’re going to admonish me and Ben for destroying your order once again.”

Luke gave her a very sad smile.” The jedi have to learn with their own mistakes. We are not better than anyone else. We are human beings. Denying attachments goes against our nature. I remember Mara Jade telling me how idiot I was for following all the rules that the old jedi code told me. Experience is more valuable. When we love, we see the world in a very different way, Rey. When we love someone, we can finally learn what it is the true meaning of compassion. Obi-wan Kenobi loved Anakin as a brother, as a son. I loved Mara. Ben loves you. He came back from the dark side for you.”

“I didn’t know about you…” Rey said blinking still shocked with his sincerity.

“No one knows, only Leia and Ben.”

“I love him, Master. I want him back.” She said surprised with the tears that kept falling down on her cheeks.

“And that’s what will keep you from isolating yourself again. Let’s wait for him.”

Wait. Again. For him and for their baby. Rey could wait. She knew how to wait.

* * *

 

Talking to Finn was a very difficult thing.

“What the hell are you telling me? You and him together? How could you, Rey? After everything…” Finn was pacing on her quarters.

Five days without Ben.

“He’s in my head, Finn. I know he’s changed. I can feel him.” _I could actually._ That thought made her chest clench.

“Rey, he killed his own father, padawans! He killed children! And you are right there telling me you’re carrying his child.”

“I know you look at him and you still see Kylo Ren. I know he wasn’t a man when you were with the First Order. I know you still see him as a monster, Finn. But I love him. He earned his redemption. You should try to look at him twice. He’s Ben Solo again.”

“Stop talking about him as if he were here. He will not come back. And I hope it will be for the best.” Finn told her fiercely.

Rey found the ferocious scavenger that she had lost those last days. “The best? For whom? For you? Because I’m pregnant and he’s the father! My child will never meet his father if he doesn’t return. You know very well, Finn.” She was crying again. “You know very well how it is to grow up without parents.”

Finn’s jaw hardened before he spoke again. “It’s better than be pointed as Kylo Ren’s child. Anything is better than this tainted legacy.”

Rey was disappointed. She didn’t want to fight her friend. “I thought you were different. I thought you were my friend to support me with any decisions I made.”

He looked away exasperated. “I am. And, as your friend, I’m going to tell you that I don’t agree with any stupid thing you do. That’s a friend.”

“Well, I’m going to tell you one thing: I love Ben. That will never change.”

“Stupid thing. You could be in love with anybody.”

“You love Poe. Did you choose that?” She blurted out.

“It’s not the same thing. You know it.”

“Okay. I love Ben. That’s one thing. I’m having a baby, Finn. I need you with me. The baby is not Kylo Ren. Can you love him?”

“Have you already eaten today?” Finn looked at her worried. “Of course I will love him. Or her. The baby is half yours.” He smiled weakly at his friend. “Poe is going to love the news. A baby. I can already see his enthusiasm.”

* * *

 

Alone in her quarters, Rey did another mark on her wall.

_One week without Ben._

She kept waiting for him. She would count until he was back home. _Home._ This couldn’t be home. It was a military base. Her quarters didn’t have room for a bassinet or for a crib.

_Two weeks without Ben._

The rescuing fleet came back. They brought her his necklace. There was something new on it. Before, there was only a piece of her staff he took to keep with him when they weren’t together. Now, there was a crystal. A Kyber crystal, Luke had said. She could use it to her own lightsaber.

_One month without Ben. 8 weeks pregnant._

She decided she’s going to keep the crystal for their baby.

_12 weeks pregnant._

Rey moves from the base to Takodana. Leia came with her and Luke. They joined the Resistance base there, but their missions were different there. Rey liked it more than before. It was where they used to meet people from different cultures, countries, planets to discuss the war’s aftermaths and to figure out a new life for the Republic and the democratic system.

She was working for the red and blue squadron with mechanics. Sometimes, she helped them answering the traffic control tower. She had a house. A big one actually. Rooms, garage, garden. She was enjoying it. For the first time in her life, she had walls and a room for herself.

But what she really enjoyed was the nursery. At the beginning, she thought she was going to have a panic attack and feel suffocated by the amount of new information and changing this baby was bringing into her life. The truth was that she loved all those changes. Her _family_ was finally happening.

The crib, the small clothes, the smell of it. Her swelling belly. Each day a new change. Her clothes were changing. Her body was changing. She was eating like an animal, which didn’t make a big difference from before. Although, she was enjoying her pregnancy, she couldn’t forget the pain she felt every time she thought about Ben losing everything. She refused to believe he was dead. She couldn’t accept.

_18 weeks pregnant._

A boy.

 _Where are you, Ben?_ She thought trying to reach for him.

A boy. Rey was so happy. So were Leia and Luke during the ultrasound. Her little boy. Everything in the nursery got a touch of blue and green. Sea, forest, lightsabers. This boy was already a very loved child. She used to tell Ben she would never be the woman he wanted her to be, the one who would bow to his wishes and use the Force to clean and cook for him and their children, but there was one thing she hadn’t told him. She always wanted to be his wife and have his children. Every new thing she can’t share with him taints her happiness with a sorrow she thought she would never feel again.

She won’t give her baby a name until he’s back.

Someone knocked on the door. She stood up from her couch and opened the door to find the most unexpected visitors.

“Finn! Poe! I can’t believe it! What are you two doing here?” She asked hugging them both.

Poe had a big present with him. “We came to visit the baby boy and his beautiful mom! How is he?”

She glanced at Finn and both rolled their eyes. “I’m fine, Poe. Thanks for asking. And your godson is doing fine.” She answered amused.

Finn chuckled taking the present from his husband and giving it to Rey. “This is for your baby, but I suspect that a half of the things in that nursery are from Poe. And the other from General Organa. We are going to stay for two weeks with you. Some work for the Resistance. Apparently, General Hux was seen trying to feed the First Order like he did with his cat. ”

Rey couldn’t help but laugh. “His cat died, so that’s what we can hope for the First Order.Thanks. The baby is happy for this new gift too. Have you already eaten?”

Finn narrowed his eyes showing her some bags. “We brought for us and for you. You’re not giving my godson your food, are you? Rey, I love you, but you know that you and I can’t cook.”

Poe snorted at this conversation. “Does he have already a name? I have some suggestions…”

“I’m waiting for Ben.” She interrupted the pilot.

Finn sighed heavy while Poe opened his mouth twice before saying a very weak ‘okay’.

* * *

 

 _Twenty weeks_ pregnant.

The doctor asked if she was feeling the baby moving or kicking, but she wasn’t.

“Is it a problem?” She asked worried.

“Not until the next two weeks. Don’t worry we have monitoring him with our ultrasounds, he’s fine. It’s just that it makes the whole thing more real when you can feel him.” He explained.

“Thank you, doctor.”

The next morning she was in the traffic control tower monitoring the ships and other signs of traffic, but it was a very boring day to live. She had had some physical training with Luke the day before and today she only did meditation. It helped with her nerves, but she always felt exhausted after physical training, so she used to take a day to rest.

She was eating some chips when a ship appeared on the airspace of Takodana. A x-wing. The pilot was calling her. She pressed a button to respond.

“Blue leader asking permission to land.” The voice said.

_She couldn’t believe it._

“Blue leader asking permission to land.”

“Permission conceded.” She answered.

“Scavenger?”

“Hi, Monster.”

She closed her eyes and a wave of relieve invaded her mind and body. _Ben_. Suddenly, she felt her baby kicking and she started to laugh and cry at the same time like an idiot.

“Yes, baby. It’s your father! He’s back!”

She started to run to meet him when he landed. The moment his feet touched the green grass, the Bond flooded her senses. He was there with her again. He came back to her. He was smiling and his hair was longer than usual, he had a little beard and he was thinner, but it was _he_.

She touched his face and his shoulders with her hands trembling, afraid he was just an illusion. “Are you real?” she asked.

He snatched her to him and buried his face on her neck. “I’m sorry. I told you it would be something simple, but I had some problems.”

She sobbed. “Everyone thought you’re gone. I was so afraid that you…” She gasped at the suddenly feeling of their boy kicking again.

Ben felt that too. He took some distance to look at her whole body. His jaw dropped and when he looked at her again he was probably mirroring her looking at him. He was mesmerized as if it was a miracle.

“How…why…the news?”

She laughed at his lack of words. “Yeah. I hope it’s good news for you, because I already have a nursery for him.”

“A boy?” he asked her taking her face with his hands.

“Our boy.” She kissed him as if it was their first kiss. So did Ben. Through the bond, he passed the feeling of gratitude, relief and love. Unconditional love for her and for everything she did for him. She returned each one of his feelings. After all, _com-passion_ is when you love together and even time can stop and wait when love is the reason of your loneliness.

 _Together_. Together they were stronger. As if their baby understood her thought, he kicked again, showing that some miracles are very welcome when the changes make you a fortress.

 

 

 

 

 

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everybody!   
> First, I'm sorry for not posting before, but I had another fic to finish and I did it!:)
> 
> I'm sorry for any mistakes, but my beta had some problems and couldn't do it this time. I promise to come back and edit it after, but the plot remains the same:)
> 
> Hope you've liked this chapter, let me know about it!


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